Confused about our friendship/relationship - Love and Dating

SweetE Emu Egg Joined: Aug 31, 2012 Posts: 4 Posted: Fri Aug 31, 2012 9:53 am?? ?Post subject: Confused about our friendship/relationship I?ve had a crush on this guy for a long time but have only recently started hanging out with him one on one. He?s very quite and kind of awkward but is so talented and funny when he opens up. Someone told me that he has AS but I never confirmed it with him. About a year ago, I sent him an email telling him that I liked him and would like to go out or hang out at some point. I didn?t get a reply, but the next time I saw him he approached me and apologized. We were just polite to eachother after that; 2 minutes conversations here and there. But the past few months we?ve had actual conversations. When his roommates had a party we ended up going to his room alone and talked for an hour. Last week I called him and asked if he wanted to go to a party together and, to my surprise, he said yes. We drove together, sat next to eachother at the party (until he had enough socializing for one day) and we drove back together. I don?t know if this was a big deal for him, but I thought our friendship had taken a huge step forward. Because going to the party went so well I thought of asking him to another event by text. He texted me back saying he would be busy that night. I replied with ?that?s ok. Do you want to get together another time?? and I haven?t gotten a reply since. I don?t know what to think. My friend says I should stop asking him out but I feel like if he DOES have AS, I might need to be more patient and/or assertive. But if he doesn?t, then he could just be a quite guy who doesn?t like me. I?m very confused and need some advice on how to handle this. Back to top thewhitrbbit Phoenix Joined: May 31, 2012 Age: 26 Posts: 888 Back to top cherrycoke Hummingbird Joined: Aug 26, 2012 Posts: 21 Posted: Fri Aug 31, 2012 10:13 am?? ?Post subject: I don't like giving advice on relationships because of the potential to cock things up. But i don't think being assertive would help if he has AS, if by assertive you mean "you should listen to me". AS guys arent looking for another person to treat them like a child. Personally that would send me running. Bringing them self to go to parties can be a real big deal for people with AS, so if he went he must have really wanted to go with you. Maybe the next time round he just didn't think he could deal with it for whatever reason and when you ask "do you want to go another time" he may not know what to reply with if he doesn't want to tell you he doesn't want to go but at the same time wants to go because of you. He had already tried to not let you down by saying hes busy the first time. Maybe ask for more one to one things to do, after all, if he really does have AS it doesn't make sense to ask him to do the things his AS makes really hard for him and then judge him by that. It's kinda like asking someone in a wheelchair to stand up and if they don't, then take that as an indicator they aren't interested in you. A little slack, some understanding and an open 1 on 1 chat away from everyone else. Back to top JanuaryMan Phoenix Joined: Jan 02, 2012 Age: 27 Posts: 1664 Location: Hants, UK Back to top BookPerson Hummingbird Joined: Aug 09, 2012 Posts: 24 Posted: Fri Aug 31, 2012 12:28 pm?? ?Post subject: ^ Excellent points, JMan. As an Aspie, one can get drained pretty quickly of socializing (i.e. parties, going out, being in a group, etc.), so that should be kept in mind. In my own case, after socializing - even if it is enjoyable - I can be pretty wiped out, and just want to be relaxing at home (or in a familiar space like this). What about just hanging out with him? He might really enjoy that. Anything that's just the two of you would work best for him, as many of us Aspies are uncomfortable/don't like groups. JanuaryMan brings up some great points. Find out a bit more about him, and then go from there. Feel free to send me a message if you need any advice on this! Back to top SweetE Emu Egg Joined: Aug 31, 2012 Posts: 4 Back to top BookPerson Hummingbird Joined: Aug 09, 2012 Posts: 24 Back to top

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