Focus on the Family Community: Relationships and Marriage: When ...

For many years I encouraged my parents to go to counseling because their marriage was clearly unstable.? I offered to pay for counseling and even offered to go with them.? And I had many long conversations with each of them.? Within the last year, I found out from my sister that our parents' divorce was finalized--they didn't even contact me.? The shattered sense of family has been very emotional, but what has been worse are the continued expectations each of my parents have expressed.? They have each said that we all just need to move on and accept it, so they each still expect invitations from me for holidays and get togethers although they can't even have a conversation with each other without rudeness.? And I refuse to host separate events for each of my parents.? They have shown a complete disregard for my feelings and their goal basically seems to be to come and play with their grandchildren.?

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I pretended for a long time and just ignored my feelings to get through various family get togethers, but I can't do that anymore.? My father refuses to accept any responsibility for his marriage falling apart, even though I lived with them for 18 years and witnessed plenty of times how rude and demeaning he was to my mom.? On the flip side, my mom began a sexual relationship with a man even prior to her divorce.? Basically, they have made it very clear that they are angry with me because I don't condone their new paths in life and because I have set up boundaries, especially as it relates to my children.? They claim to be Christians, though obviously only God is the One who truly knows.? But they constantly accuse me of being unChristian.? I have told them that I love them so that's why I want true reconciliation for us all, but my mom only calls me uncharitable.? My last conversation with my dad ended with me telling him that because of the way he speaks to me, I am only comfortable with continuing any conversation in the safety of a third party.? He wasn't interested in that and told me to have a good life.? I am 30 years old with a happy marriage and three amazing kids, so my immediate family situation is very stable. But I am interested in any resources or encouragement for those of us who are adults and dealing with the fallout of our parents' divorce.? Of course, like other "kids", I want my parents to reconcile.? In the meantime however, these issues are too great for me to put a smile on my face with my parents and just chat it up about movies or what book I'm currently reading.? I'm assuming I can't be the only one out there who is dealing with something like this.

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Thank you.? Please forgive me if I've posted this in the wrong area.??

Source: http://www.focusonlinecommunities.com/thread/24857

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